LadyHawk's blog

Ah, McClure

Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:33 am

[  Mood: Amused ]

Yes, this is a true story. Happened to me a year and a half ago. I finally grew the balls to post the story.

My first visit to McClure was a mortifying fiasco that still makes me chuckle. The local hang glider pilots and their sweeties were fabulous. They are like a family and they invite you to join them. I’m looking forward to flying with those lunatics again.

I was horrified, however, when they witnessed my instructor and I have a major disagreement. It’s obvious, of course, that since I’m a woman & he’s a man that I was in the right. Right? I think he was pms’ing anyway.

I was so ticked off that I went for a walk so I could find a nice tree to sit next to while I worked at overcoming my mad-on. I found an inviting tree off the beaten path & sat there for an hour meditating & fuming before I headed back. Perhaps more fuming than meditating, but I was trying.

Unfortunately, my instructor and I drove the 2 hours together to get to McClure the day before, so driving home together that evening was fun…about as pleasant as someone dragging their fingernails across a chalkboard for 2 hours straight. He was probably just as relieved when he dropped me off as I was. Probably wanted to throw me out into oncoming traffic if we’re being honest.

About a day and a half later I started to get suspicious…By day 2, I was certain…yep, I had a MAJOR case of poison oak! My ass was COVERED with it!! I must’ve been so pissed, that when I was sitting under that tree thinking I was sitting on pine needles, I was actually sitting on poison oak.

When I fly in warm weather I tend to only wear spandex bottoms and a bra. Makes me more comfortable in the heat and provides entertainment for everyone else. The poison oak must’ve gone right through my spandex to provide poetic justice for my having lost my temper. I got a spiritual spanking. In fact, because I had only been wearing a bra, as well, not only was my bottom covered, but so was one bicep and an underarm. How I managed that, I have no idea.

I’ve had lots of poison oak experiences in my time, but none this bad. All over my bum?? When you sit, your bum gets warmer, which makes you itch THAT much more! Like I wasn’t itching badly enough.

A well meaning new friend from McClure suggested a remedy he heard of from someone else…forget the technu…what you do is scratch the affected area hard, then put bleach on it. Repeat this procedure regularly. I have a high tolerance for pain, but when you scratch the top layer of skin off and put bleach on it, let me tell you, it’s like pouring alcohol on a wound. Mother of gawd, IT HURTS!!! And to think, some women pay good money to have their asses bleached. At least I was doing it for free.

I begged my McClure friend not to tell my instructor about my embarrassing bout with poison oak. I was stubborn enough that I couldn’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing my fate.

A complication to my problem arose…having scratched the top layer off the infected portions caused them to ooze for 3 or 4 days. My rump was constantly wet. I had to wear dark pants and underwear, which I normally never wear (underwear, that is), to attempt to make it so others wouldn’t notice that my bottom was wet.

Each time I got from my chair at work, there would be a big wet spot. It was like leaving a snail trail everywhere I sat. A few of us had dinner over at a friend’s house one night. I was worried about juicing up their chair. I was sweatin’ it while I was sitting there at dinner. I was already wearing pants and underwear. Putting on a third layer would suffocate someone who hates to wear two! What would the chair look like when I got up, though? Would they notice? Was I leaving poison oak everywhere I sat and would they end up getting it?

After dinner I non-chalantly looked at the chair when I got up. Yep, it was covered in ooze. Blonde colored suede. Waaahh. When no one was looking I scratched the suede with my finger nails trying to make the dark spot look like part of the suede was just going a different direction than the other part, thus making it a darker color, then I slid the chair as far under the table as I could.

We sat on the couch for a while. Was I spreading my disease everywhere? Did I tell them? Heck no! Maybe I shouldn’t be trusted as a friend.

Well, let me tell you the worst part… you should think twice about using this scratch & bleach method because what happens when you scratch poison oak?? IT SPREADS!!! Within another day or two half my arm was covered and sweet jesus, the poison oak on my bum spread forward. Are you following me here? I had been diligently scratching and applying incredibly painful bleach on my ass, but then it moved forward and covered my crotch!! I never DREAMED that would happen.

Much as I can take pain and hate going to see the doctor, when the poison oak covered my lower female region I was ready to cry MEDIC!!!! I will say one thing for the bleaching method, it does noticeably reduce the itching as compared to your run of the mill over the counter treatment. I was so desperate that, now brace yourself, I scratched and applied bleach to my crotch!! Dire circumstances call for drastic measures. I cannot adequately relay to you how painful it is to apply bleach to your crotch when you’ve just scratched the top layer of skin off!!! Tears were running down my face, but I was in such a mess that I applied that treatment every few hours. OH MY GAWD!!

It was late afternoon on the day I noticed that it had spread forward. I figured if I just made it through to the next day and then if it was bad enough, I would break down and call a doctor. How would you feel about telling a doctor you have crotch rot? Plus, you know they are going to want to examine it, touch it, maybe even take photos! Okay, maybe not the photos, but you know that will be a story they will tell all they’re co-workers and friends while having a good laugh.

Son of a beagle…the next day my rot seemed worse, so I broke down and called the doctor’s office and begged them to get me in. Thank gawd there was a woman available. She was balsy enough to laugh about it to my face, but at least she confided that she was laughing because she too had once had the same problem. What a mortifying situation.

She prescribed steroids, but they would take 24 hours to give me any relief. Waaaahhhh! Think positive, think positive, I told myself. 24 hours. I can do this.

She asked me what I’d been doing to treat it. When I told her the bleach method she looked at me like I was a complete moron, which, maybe I was. She advised that applying bleach could give 2nd degree burns and to stop immediately. Would the ground just swallow me up now, please? At least she gave me comfort by letting me know that I was not Typhoid Mary and my ooze was not contagious.

Thank goodness for the meds because true to her word, the next day I was getting some relief. It took a couple of weeks for it to fully go away. I was soooo glad to be done with it. You can’t have intercourse when your nether regions are covered in poison oak. Ok, so I didn’t have anyone in my life then to have sex with, but that’s beside the point.

I thought back on everything that had happened, so I could do what I always like to do…think about my circumstances and determine how I can learn from them. What would I do differently next time? Simple...If I ever get into a brawl with my instructor again, I’ll try my best to talk HIM into going for a walk and sit under a tree!!

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Joined: 30 Sep 2008
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Location: Daly City, CA
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:15 pm    Post subject:    

Good catch, Alan. I was hoping that would pass unnoticed.

Even though I wouldn't mention the instructor's name, he visits the org board regularly and if I told the tale, I would risk stirring up old bad blood. I find fighting very unpleasant and since I still bump in to him occasionally because we fly the same sites, I'd like to keep as much peace between us as possible.
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Joined: 05 Jul 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:42 pm    Post subject:    

WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ahh that sucks
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:22 am    Post subject:    

I was hoping that would pass unnoticed.

Well I won't pry any more but I asked because I can't imagine having a relationship with someone I was taking flying lessons from that could generate an interchange like that. The instructor should have better self control than that, and refer to a different instructor if they don't.
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